“What is love?” I bet you’ve heard this question gazillion times before since kindergarten. From slum book, to slumber parties-- from high school to few more years after that, the answer to this question seems to make us blush, especially the ones we wrote as a child.
But as we grow older, the definition of love grew complicated. Gone are the days where furtive glance makes your heart skip a beat and a kiss in the forehead is romantic – where the farthest we can go is to hold hands and still feel bliss. Unfortunately, the definition of love to some nowadays have been dictated by lust, distorted by commercialism and passivity.
I believe this is what happens when we grew out of our innocence when all the while the definition still stands. God is love. And if God is love, we would understand His definition of love. “Love is patient, love is kind. It is not jealous, (love) is not pompous, it is not inflated, it is not rude, it does not seek its own interests, it is not quick-tempered, it does not brood over injury, it does not rejoice over wrongdoing but rejoices with the truth. It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things (1 Corinthians 13: 4-7)”
Love is patient. Did you ever wonder why patience is associated with love? Because love takes time, it grows on you. It is not something you rush. This is why our Catholic Christian faith believes in sexual purity before marriage. Not just to save us from sexually transmitted diseases, untimely pregnancies or emotional stress in case of a break-up, but first and foremost, it is God’s will that we stay pure. “For this is the will of God, even your sanctification, that ye should abstain from fornication: That every one of you should know how to possess his vessel in sanctification and honor; Not in the lust of concupiscence, even as the Gentiles which know not God (1 Thess 4:3-5)”
“The soul is willing but the flesh is weak” That’s what I heard mostly when people are asked for their commitment on abstinence. In our society where virginity is on its rarity, and even considered laughing stock or freakish in nature, it is definitely not an easy task to do. But we are not helpless. We can do as much to avoid potential occasions that will lead to sexual impurity:
1. Let us be spiritually active. We must serve in the Church, read God’s words and continue to pray to God for guidance. No temptation can overcome us if we are continuously armed with His words and reminded of our commitment to Him to remain pure. Surrounding ourselves with friends who share the same high morals will help us to feel supported in our resolve to remain pure.
2. When dating, we must confine our interactions with our date on public places. The best way to avoid temptation is to avoid tempting situations. When we are alone in private with someone new that we are very attracted to, it is much more difficult to decline a sexual advance.
3. Let us guard our emotions. We are most vulnerable when our self-esteem and self-worth are at a low point. We need to find healthy ways to boost our ego, instead of sex. There are many things that we can do that will help us feel good about ourselves.
4. Let us guard our actions. We need to avoid being sexually flirtatious or having explicit conversations about sex. Whether we just want to be ‘into’ the conversation just to fit in or not, this kind of conversation and flirtatiousness sends the wrong message. It says that we are open to it, and willing to get on to it given the chance.
5. Let us be aware of what we wear. Obviously, this one applies mainly to women. Revealing clothes (i.e. super short skirts/dresses, super tight pants/skirts/dresses, tops/dresses that reveal bulging cleavage, etc.) also send the wrong message. The sexy clothes imply, "I’m trying to make myself as sexually attractive as possible so that you will jump my bones." Maybe you really don’t mean it to seduce and you just want to be fashionable, but it is difficult for a man to concentrate on our inner beauty when our exterior is screaming.
6. Limit alcohol consumption. Alcohol slows down the brain activity that controls judgment and inhibitions. It makes us more aggressive, self-disclosing and sexually daring. Whatever urges we feel when sober, we are more likely to act upon if intoxicated. I always saw this happening in movies. Girl and boy gets drunk, goes to bed and regretted it the next day.
7. Limit on how much ‘alone’ time you spend with your boyfriend/girlfriend. Keep all our friends and all our activities even though we may have to juggle our schedule a little more. Limiting time with our special someone limits sexual possibilities. We need to explain this commitment to our special someone to avoid misunderstanding. If we love our partners, we would not want to do something that will hurt the other person or violate our relationship.
8. Set a curfew. Don't have open ended dates. Don't linger past the time you have set for yourself. Don't fall asleep watching movies together in your living room because that leads to a familiarity that may be dangerous.
9. Let us watch what we watch, read and hear. Let us be careful which movies/videos/TV we choose to see either while dating, as well as the things we read or see in the internet. I believe this is one of the most common temptations that we ought to think as 'harmless'. But in reality, this will not help us maintain sexual purity as this might grow into bigger proportions. Before we know it, we might be constantly led to more of it drawn by curiosity. We have to be aware of our own limitations; if you find that certain programs or commercials turn you on, turn them off. Certain music is the same way so it's best to keep a guard over what you listen too also.
10. Avoid daydreaming. Daydreaming is wasteful at best and dangerous at worst. Daydreaming is a set up for frustration and opens our minds to laziness. An undisciplined mind can hatch up all kinds of things which easily turn into sin. Daydreaming or fantasizing about sex is the first step in the process of sexual arousal. If we focus our thoughts on sex, we will sabotage our decision to remain abstinent.
To remain sexually pure, we need to be constantly on guard and surround us with friends with common moral commitment. There are also available resources and communities online which could help us to further grow our understanding of chastity:
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http://www.chastity.com - Led by the Pure Love Club which is the chastity outreach program of Catholic Answers, based in San Diego, California. Catholic Answers was founded in 1982, and is now one of US largest lay-run apologetics and evangelization organizations
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http://www.wagmuna.com/ - Composed of Filipino youth volunteers from all over the country whose aim is to connect people with God and His ultimate plan for purity.
To maintain a chaste life is indeed a constant struggle but as St. Josemaria Escriva said,
“When you decide firmly to lead a clean life, chastity will not be a burden to you; it will be a crown of triumph”Resources:http://www.singlesworkshops.com/HowtoStaySexPure.htmhttp://www.hannahscupboard.com/ST-purity.htmlhttp://www.truelovewaits.org.za/page_faq.html
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